Happy Star Wars Day. May the fourth be with you.
We’re all huge Star Wars fans here in The Lowdown Office. We’ve seen all the movies, so we think we’re perfectly placed to answer an important question that we hear time and time again.
Why don’t any of the characters have mobile phones?
We’ve given this question a lot of thought, and we’ve come up with an answer:
Because they weren’t invented. It was a long time ago in a galaxy far away, remember?
Having said that, exactly how long ago it was isn’t clear, even amongst diehard fans.
We’ve heard a lot of theories.
Someone claims that a supernova in the Andromeda galaxy (observed by Ludovic Gully in 1887) means that the events in Star Wars IV: A New Hope took place on August 172,598,126 B.C.
But meanwhile, the bloke in our local comic shop reckons that Obi-Wan Kenobi was born in 1747.
So the jury’s still out as far as we’re concerned.
But let’s imagine for a moment that mobile phones were part of the Star Wars universe. And that our favourite characters were able to choose the device they wanted, from their local Carphone Warehouse. What would they go for?
We could be wrong, but we’re pretty happy with these choices.
General Leia - HTC 10
We’ve heard the HTC 10 being described as ‘strong but soft’, which would make it the obvious choice for the former-princess-turned-General Leia.
General Leia is loyal to her friends and family (sometimes too loyal, when it comes to her wayward son) and we think she’d be just as loyal to her brand of smartphone. Chances are, she’ll have been the proud owner of the M7, happily upgrading to the M8 and M9, before getting her hands on the latest HTC flagship.
General Leia is a no-nonsense character, so she’ll welcome the more stripped back HTC Sense software that makes everything simpler and easier to navigate than ever before. And even though we didn’t hear her complain about the M9’s camera performance, we’re sure she’ll be impressed by the 10’s 12MP UltraPixel™ 2 camera with laser autofocus and optical image stabilisation – ideal for those happy family snaps, although it’s now way too late for her to think about that sort of thing.
Darth Vader – Sony Xperia X
Make no mistake, Darth Vader puts a lot of thought into the way he looks. That kind of get-up doesn’t just get thrown together. It takes an awful lot of thought and no small amount of design flair.
So it makes perfect sense that Lord Vader would want a phone that reflects his attention to detail, with a similar kind of design-language.
Yep, you’ve guessed it, he’s a Sony Xperia X man.
Just like Vader, Sony has gone for a design they liked and stuck with it. So the new Xperia X is instantly recognisable, with a tall, slimline profile and metal build - it looks and feels like a premium device. The Sith lord formerly know as Anakin Skywalker wouldn’t accept anything less.
It also comes with a fingerprint scanner, which would be less useful for the permanently gloved Darth, but we reckon that wouldn’t bother him too much. If anything, it would probably make him raise a wry smile occasionally.
And of course, it comes in graphite black.
BB8 – LG G5 (and friends)
The LG G5 is a remarkable phone, with a vibrant 5.3-inch Quad HD display, amazing dual camera and cutting-edge modular design. But BB8 doesn’t really care too much about all that. Because BB8 just wants a friend.
The LG G5 comes with a whole host of fun accessories known as friends, and it’s obvious which one BB8 has his optical lens on – the LG rolling bot.
The LG rolling bot is a smartphone-controlled robot that’s kind of cross between a fun toy and a home surveillance camera. It’s also the perfect companion for lonely robots of a similar shape and size.
Yoda – Dora Liberto 820 Mini
Doro has a solid reputation for making easy-to-use phones that are perfect for the older user. And Yoda is pretty old, if we’re to believe him when he said: “When 900 years you reach, look this good, you will not,” to Luke Skywalker on the swamp planet of Dagobah in Return of the Jedi.
Yoda doesn’t have big pockets so he’ll have gone for the mini version of the Doro Liberto 820. He’ll find it easy to handle with a comfortable design and weight, and he’ll welcome the fact that there are real keys to help him navigate through screens.
With the Doro Liberto 820 Mini, Yoda will have full internet access, allowing him to quickly search through the likes of Wikipedia (or Wookiepedia) for trivia and knowledge that he can then pass off as his own original thoughts. Not that we’re saying he definitely does that sort of thing.
Have a Happy Star Wars Day, and if you’ve got any suggestions for what smartphone Kylo Ren might be rocking (we’re thinking a BlackBerry Priv for some reason), feel free to share your thoughts below.